Trump just nuked global markets with sweeping tariffs that have traders panic-selling… well, everything.

His "Liberation Day" executive order slapped a minimum 10% tariff on basically every country that dares tax American goods, sending stocks, crypto, and economic forecasts into a death spiral.

Goldman Sachs just raised their recession probability from 35% to over 50%, which is analyst-speak for "we're all screwed."

The Tariff Havoc

Trump signed his tariff bomb while calling it a protection plan for American industries, because nothing says "America First" like making everything more expensive.

The administration apparently based these tariffs on trade deficit calculations that economists are calling "extraordinary nonsense" – but these are the same economists who couldn’t see 2008 coming, so we’re not sure who to believe anymore. 

The Dow futures plunged 1,000 points while the S&P 500 and Nasdaq tanked 3.1% and 3.4%, respectively, wiping out months of gains in hours.

Bitcoin slid from nearly $88,500 to $83,000, proving once again that the "inflation hedge" narrative goes out the window whenever traditional markets catch a cold.

Total crypto market cap dropped 5.3%, with ETH taking a particularly nasty hit from $1,934 to $1,797.

Gold, meanwhile, is chilling near all-time highs because apparently shiny rocks are still the boomer safe haven of choice during presidential chaos.

The Bitcoin Mining Crisis

U.S. Bitcoin miners just got caught with their pants down in the most expensive way possible.

According to Blockware Solutions' Mitchell Askew, these tariffs could jack up ASIC miner prices by up to 10x if they hit during a bull market.

American mining operations are now desperately trying to import hardware before the tariffs kick in, creating the crypto equivalent of a toilet paper shortage.

The irony of Trump's "America First" policy potentially killing American Bitcoin mining operations is thicker than the White House press briefing book.

The Economic Doomsday Clock

JPMorgan estimates that these tariffs could add 1.5% to PCE inflation in 2025. 

Meanwhile, Moody's predicts unemployment will spike as businesses decide hiring people is too expensive when paying a premium for imported materials.

As has been a tradition with every economic policy since the dawn of time, low-income households will be hit hardest.

Nigel Green from deVere Group called the policy "reckless," as we're basically watching the speedrun version of dismantling 70 years of global trade progress.

Economists are nervously muttering about the Smoot-Hawley Tariff Act that helped turn a recession into the Great Depression, which is never a comparison you want to hear.

Trading partners are already drafting retaliatory measures that will make international commerce more complicated than explaining blockchain to your grandparents.

The Market Survival Guide

Some traders are calling this a buying opportunity once the dust settles, while others are preparing for a prolonged market winter that makes crypto bears look like a walk in the park.

Businesses are scrambling to restructure supply chains that took decades to build, all while watching their stock options evaporate.

The only people genuinely happy about this situation are gold bugs, who've been waiting since 1971 to say "I told you so" about fiat currency.

Trumping Reality

This is either the most chaotic economic reset in decades or the biggest policy blunder since Mt. Gox decided security wasn't that important.

Markets hate uncertainty more than Ethereum maxis hate Solana, and Trump just injected pure uncertainty directly into the financial system's veins.

Whether this ends in recession, stagflation, or some new economic disaster we don't even have a name for yet is anyone's guess.

But one thing's for sure – "Liberation Day" has liberated trillions in market value, sending it straight into the void.